f you just want a place to drink yourself shitty, play a little pinball, and shoot some stick, the Rhino will do you just fine.

The beer is cheap, the wine is cheap, the pool is cheap. Ambiance? Not really: Picture a clubhouse with really high ceilings. Best part about this bar is that it's pretty much scenester free. Not uncommon to see a local hunkered down with a pitcher all to his lonesome. God bless the lonely. This is a great place to "unleash the mojo."

When you walk into The Rhino you think, "I might get my ass kicked in this place" -- not a sentiment many Toronto bars inspire these days. The Rhino is a shrine to all things Parkdale trash, and the early evening patrons aren't acting. Later, when the place fills up (almost exclusively with men), it becomes a rowdyhouse of pure liquor-induced fun. Sure, some of the bar-stomping routines seem like they were lifted directly from a certain Patrick Swayze movie (you know the one), but by the end of the night you'll be singing "Gimme Three Steps" along with every other guy in the place.

It is smoky. But that's just about what you might expect at this Parkdale watering hole. The tables and booths are perpetually half-full (usually by the same folk) throughout the day, as are the high tables with stools, with local after-workers -- lots of local folk, no one in a suit. You can leave your fancy shoes at home for this one.

A middle area boasts the large central bar area and the back room has three (!) beige-felt pool tables. When you've had a few too many $5 pints of draught, fuel up on snacks from the menu.

And, yes, there is a menu. It's all elevated bar food that's so-so, and reasonably priced. Classic Americana like grilled cheese sandwiches with tomato soup, fried clams and deviled eggs go perfectly with a roster of old-fashioned cocktails like sidecars, stingers and draught beer.

But the best the Sunday brunch, when, believe it or not, it's fairly good, solid food. Eggs Benedict, (6.50) Country Style Breakfast ($7.75) and a variety of omelets, like the big, bad Western (5.25) are all great competitors. In the land of bright shiny hip spots, here's one alternative to let yourself come undone.

upshot: If you don't feel at home at The Rhino, you're obviously an asshole. -- Shawn Willis


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