Well, it had to happen eventually. The cardinal rule of show business is that everyone sells out eventually. You wouldn’t think that it would happen to the openly anarchistic punk-founder Johnny Rotten, but you’d be wrong. After all, his band only recorded one full album in the 70s and the guy hasn’t done much since. It was pretty pathetic when Rotten appeared on a British reality TV show a few years back, but nothing compared to the following atrocity. I understand that he needs cash, but it’s a shame that he has fallen so low that he would agree to do this. I honestly can’t even describe what you’re about to see. You’ll have to just watch it for yourself and shed a tear for artistic credibility:



Tina Fey has just inked a deal to write a book of humorous essays. Her paycheck for this literary distraction? $6 million! Who would have thought that being a sexy, sarcastic, nerdy, sexy, satirical, sexy, and hilarious comedienne (did I mention sexy?) would be so lucrative. She’s married, right? Fuck!

I always disliked Andrew Lloyd Webber for lowering the bar of what it takes to make a successful musical. However, his meaningless trash still appeals to so many people that it’s difficult to voice my opinion public without having my eyes scratched out by offended Cats fans. Fortunately I have a different reason to hate him now that no one can argue with. The composer has amassed $1.3 billion dollars in his lifetime, but doesn’t plan to pass any of that money on to his five children. In a recent interview with the London Mirror Webber said, . "I am not in favor of children's suddenly finding a lot of money coming their way, because then they have no incentive to work," adding: "They aren't bothered. They don't think that way. It is about having a work ethic. I don't believe in inherited money at all." What a dick.

It’s been a few weeks since Pamela Anderson appeared naked in public, so she must have been feeling trapped by the confines of clothing. Fortunately, she got an appropriate opportunity to bare all when she delivered a birthday cake to Hugh Hefner in the nude (see censored photo). What a classy lady. Doesn’t she make you proud to be Canadian?

About a week ago it was announced that Johnny Depp had signed on to star in a fourth entry in the Pirates OF The Caribbean franchise. I was confused as to why Depp would return to that dead horse of a franchise, but that was all cleared up today. Depp will be getting the largest up front fee any actor has ever received in motion picture history. He will be getting $56 million to star in the film. I guess that’s the end of his career as a cult movie actor.

George Hamilton hasn’t aged or lost his tan in decades. No one is sure what his secret is (my guess is a pact with Satan), but we might all find out soon. George is writing a tell-all book that will hopefully give readers some tips on how to avoid aging. Chances are the book will merely be an opportunity for Hamilton to remind everyone how many beautiful women that he’s slept with…but I’m still hoping for a little help. Come on George, don’t keep those secrets to yourself.

Hey, did you guys know that current president George W. Bush is dumb and a poor public speaker? I was pretty shocked to discover it myself, but apparently it’s true. At a recent USO benefit the scholar president was quoted as saying “The moment things began to turn around in Iraq is when the USO deployed Jessica Simpson.” What a cut-up and an idiot. Seriously, is this guy out of office yet? Can that all just be a bad memory now? Please?!