Jenna Jameson, the former porn starlet and role model to young girls everywhere (ok, maybe just Paris Hilton), is expecting twins according to the New York Daily News. That’s right, the woman who made millions lying on her back (and in other less comfortable positions) will be bringing two bundles of joy into the world with her Ultimate Fighting partner Tito Ortiz. Is it possible to have a more fucked up childhood that the ones these kids will have? The day they ask what their parents do for a living is not going to be a fun experience for anybody. If you were George Michael, wouldn’t you make an effort to stay out of public toilets? After all, at this point in your career you’re more famous for your bathroom exploits than your music, so you’d want to move away from that, right? Wrong. The 45-year-old pop singer was arrested in underground toilet again last weekend. This time he was apparently holding what police are calling Class A and Class C drugs. No one is saying specifically what the drugs are, but the rumor is crack cocaine. Michael was let off with a warning this time and hopefully he finally learned his lesson. This is getting ri-goddamn-diculous! Warner Brothers recently sued a Bollywood film company for attempting to release a film entitled Hari Puttar: A Comedy Of Terrors. WB was concerned that the title was a little too close to a series of movies they are releasing about a boy wizard. However an Indian court threw out the case when they revealed that “Hari” is a popular name in India and “puttar” means son (you’d think Warner Brothers would have bothered to get the title translated before they sued, but there you go). Frankly, the only thing I got out of this story was a burning desire (STD pun intended) to make an adult film called Hairy Puder: The Camber Of Secrets. I can’t believe no one has thought of that yet. Lindsay Lohan’s father Michael is speaking out against her daughter's new girlfriend and alleged fiancée, DJ Samantha Ronson. Michael Lohan has been quoted as saying, “Personally, I think she is dark, hideous and a disgusting representation of humanity!” And he also added “Have you ever seen Samantha’s apartment? For God’s sake, when she runs out of toilet paper she tells people to use the cardboard roll. I was told this first hand.” With all those bathroom dilemmas, I’m sure that Ronson will be a far worse influence on lil’ Lindsay than an estranged alcoholic father. That makes so much sense.

Based on the visual insanity of his movies and the fact that he is married to Madonna, you’d think that director Guy Ritchie is full of drugs at all times. Oddly, you would be mistaken. The Snatch director recently reveled that he quit drugs at the age of 20. He said, "I had a drugs period, but I was quite young. I've not touched a drug since I was 20. I didn't like cocaine. I smoked puff (marijuana), but it just got a bit dull and then it was all about hallucinogenics. But I got out of that scene. I've not touched them since." Maybe he should try hitting the pipe again. It might be the missing element that would save his dwindling movie career…and would probably make all that time with a phony-accented Madonna a little easier to handle. The world’s ever-growing legion of Big Lebowski fans got some exciting news today. With the Coen Brothers suddenly bankable after the twin successes of No Country For Old Men and Burn After Reading, questions have been raised about a sequel to the brilliant 1998 cult film. John Turturro just told ESPN, “The Big Lebowski was a great movie. We hope to make a sequel. I can't talk about it, but it comes down to Jesus in the jumpsuit.” Dear god don’t let this be a rumor. A Jesus-centric sequel could be the funniest movie ever made. I might actually die laughing from that one. It would hurt so sweet.

<--page--> We are mere weeks away from Oliver Stones Bush bio W. and excitement is starting to build. There was early concern that the movie might not cover the war to avoid ruffling too many feathers, but this new TV spot certainly clears up that issue. Is there any way I can be knocked unconscious until mid-October so that I don’t have to wait to see this one second longer? After a few mediocre ads and 1000s of internet message board bashings, Microsoft has mercifully decided to drop their current ad campaign with Bill Gates and Jerry Seinfeld. It’s a good thing too, because neither of those guys need the money or the embarrassment. Seinfeld should now be forced to exclusively do standup comedy and guest spots on 30 Rock. No more CGI comedies or commercials Jerry. You are not the master of that domain. <--page--> You’d think performing silly stunts to dwindling audiences and speaking exclusively in monotone would get you respect, but apparently that’s not the case if you’re David Blaine. The new school magician reportedly wandered into a New York bar recently and demanded free booze for himself and his friends. When the barkeep turned him down, Blaine reportedly stormed out of the watering hole. If this guy was relevant anymore I’d care, but meh… Finally, Let’s wrap things up with a funny Christ Rock clip! Here’s what the amazing comedian had to say about Bill Clinton on Letterman last week (Billy boy was a guest on the same episode) -OBG, www.sceneadvisor.com