One-time talented actor turned Keanu Reeves-esque hack Nicolas Cage is experiencing some problems from the taxman. Apparently the perpetually balding actor used his LA-based company—Saturn Productions—to write off $3.3 million dollars in personal expenses (including such necessities as limos and a Gulfstream jet). Cage will be heading to court to plead his case, which hopefully won’t require him to justify the money he made for “acting” in The Wicker Man or National Treasure 2.

Page six reports that J-Lo is now in a private room in North Shore University hospital getting ready to shit out a couple babies. The room has apparently been booked for 2 weeks, it’s filled with special amenities like a leather couch, and only a small list of approved hospital employees are allowed to enter. It’s true, “Jenny from the block” never lost her street roots. She’s still treated just like a normal woman.

The Jelly Belly company recently created a gigantic jelly bean mosaic of face of George Clooney (to be donated to the charity of Clooney’s choice). The “art” is actually even creepier to look at than it sounds and will undoubtedly haunt the dreams of whoever ends up owning it. Unless it goes to Clooney of course, then it will be a beloved treasure that’s prominently displayed in his house.

A sex tape featuring Gene Simmons was leaked to the internet today. So far the tape has received zero hits because just the thought of seeing Simmons naked is enough to send even the most hardened internet porn addict running to vomit in his parents’ bathroom. In other words, it’s the new Two Girls And A Cup.

Mere hours after having her breasts ogled by every man in North America with a pulse and internet access, Lindsay Lohan was spotted hanging out with WWE superstars. Evidently, she’s discussing making an appearance at the next Wrestlemania. Naked photos and a new career in professional wrestling? Will Lohan’s star ever stop rising?

Good news! Hulk Hogan proudly announced that he will endorse Obama during an appearance on Jimmy Kimmel Live. If Obama’s got the Hulkster and his legion of Hulkamaniacs on his side, a win is guaranteed.