t’s Christmas Eve and nobody loves you. Nobody even needs you. Depressed? If yes, you’ll want to hit the local bar; but, not just any watering hole will do this Christmas. The holiday season is as synonymous with depression as it is with gifts, so give your depression a gift and imbibe one of these eight classic downtown New York dives this Christmas.



Milano’s Bar

Where: Nolita, 51 East Houston Street

Why: Pictures of old New York and its patrons hang on the wall at Milano’s Bar. They make up a collage of ghosts in a bar old enough to remember them. Inside Milano’s, it’s a narrow fit; but, chances are you’ll only have to rub elbows with a few other isolationists on such a merry occasion. The one TV set above the front entrance stays perpetually on the AMC channel, so be prepared to stare ironically at “It’s A Wonderful Life” as you sip whiskey neat and order diner food to the bar.

Holly Jolly Soundtrack: This is not “A Beautiful Day.” It’s Christmas Eve. So find U2’s “One Tree Hill” on the jukebox and rock out to a song written for Bono’s personal assistant who died in a motorcycle crash while fetching for him a pack of cigarettes. Merry Christmas!



WXOU Radio Bar

Where: West Village, 558 Hudson Street

Why: The stress of Christmas shopping, traveling, the in-laws, etc. can drive one to drink around the holidays and the serene encasing of WXOU Radio is a tailored fit. XOU’s is a conversation bar. The music stays low, the TV’s stays on mute and people mingle quietly at the bar or in the booths. Evergreen and Christmas ornaments decorate the walls, adding warmth to the hearth-free dive. Owned by the same people who run The Magician in the East Village, XOU’s is more likely to be frequented by publishers than by bloggers. Expect smart, happy people; just don’t expect to be one of them.

Holly Jolly Soundtrack: Listen to M. Ward sap all enthusiasm from David Bowie’s 80’s pop classic “Let’s Dance.” His drowsy stripped-down cover sums up just how much your tired bones probably feel like dancing.



Cherry Tavern

Where: East Village, 441 East 6th Street

Why: Getting drunk in your basement. That’s what it feels like inside the East Village watering hole, Cherry Tavern. Normally an NYU outpost, this cheap drinks gem proves less rambunctious during Christmas time. And oh my, the specials! Try the $4 Old Glory Special (whiskey and beer) from Sunday to Tuesday, the $5 Tijuana Special (tequila and a Tecata) every day, the $5 frozen margaritas and the $15 Miller High-Life buckets of beer. There’s a pool table in back so at 3 AM on Christmas morning use it to arm wrestle yourself!

Holly Jolly Soundtrack: No gifts this year? I bet Thom Yorke can cheer you up. Find Radiohead’s “How to Disappear Completely” on the jukebox as you completely disappear from reality and sobriety.



Ear Inn

Where: Soho, 326 Spring Street

Why: Ear Inn is a pub that will remind you of your functioning alcoholic of an uncle. Ear Inn is a historical Irish pub located in the westernmost crevices of Soho. It resides on the ground floor of the James Brown house, an official New York landmark. Heed the “No Cell Phones” sign at the entrance and don’t mind the one or two old drunks seated up front. The back room is for casual dining -- taken quite literally given that you can scribble crayon pictures on your dinner place mats.

A Festivus Miracle: Ear Inn has a polite reading series every Saturday at 3 PM -- no one’s promising Joyce, but the charm of any Irish writer will get you to drink like one.