Stephen Sommers is no stranger to directing crappy movies (after all, we’re talking about the man who made Van Helsing here). Oh sure, The Mummy was a pleasant summer surprise in 1999, but the good will won by that movie was quickly destroyed by the crappiness of the The Mummy Returns. Still by the sounds of things, Sommers is entering into an all new realm of terrible filmmaking with his upcoming disaster-in-the-making G.I. Joe: The Rise Of The Cobra.

Now calm down children of the 80s. I’m not attacking the concept of a G.I. Joe movie or the legendary action figure line itself. No, this is all about the movie. Apparently when the film screened for test audiences it received the lowest audience reaction scores in the history of Paramount. Now, if you were making a weirdo art movie, low test scores at these screenings is to be expected as the audiences are normally randomly selected from the local mall. But, if you’re making a popcorn munching blockbuster low test scores mean that you should probably look into a new job.

Stuart Baird a renowned “fixer editor” in Hollywood has been hired on to try and sort out the mess and turn it into a watchable film in time for the August 7th release. Producer Lorenzo di Bonaventura (the man who brought us masterpieces like Doom and the upcoming Eddie Murphy embarrassment Imagine That) has been fired from the movie and director Stephen Sommers’ job is currently hanging on by a thread.

Sommers is still on the project, but that’s primarily just to save face. The studio doesn’t want to get too much bad publicity on G.I. Joe: The Rise Of The Cobra before they launch this turkey onto unsuspecting audiences, so they haven’t officially handed their director a pink slip. Instead Sommers is merely allowed to check in and give comments on the new version of G.I. Joe that’s being slapped together by Stuart Baird and the studio. Who would have thought that making a movie based on a long deceased action figure line would prove to be difficult and a bad idea? I find it absolutely shocking!

David Letterman’s Non-Apology To Sarah Palin

You gotta love David Letterman. No one is better at using their wit to diffuse any situation without ever backing down. Case in point is the following clip. Sarah Palin and her husband have been ranting and raving about jokes Letterman has been making about their daughter. His response? This hilarious mock apology that somehow manages to make the Palin’s look even stupider. God bless you Dave. I may struggle to decide if I want to watch you or Conan these days, but I’m glad to know you’ve still got it.


Amy Poehler Is The Lunch Lady

That Amy Poehler gal seems physically incapable of slowing down these days. She’s already lined up a full time job working on her sitcom Parks And Recreations, which just got picked up for a new season, but that’s not stopping her from pursuing a movie career. Poehler just signed on to star in The Lunch Lady, the tale of a woman who is a hairnet wearing lunch lady by day and a badass superhero by night. A little ridiculous as a concept to be sure, but ridiculousness is what Ms. Poehler thrives on.

The film is based on a graphic novel series by Jarrett Krosoczka. The movie should be based on the first series, in which stars 3 teenage kids grow suspicious about their lunch lady’s nocturnal activities. If the first film goes well we can expect to see further entries in the franchise including Lunch Lady And The League Of Librarians, Lunch Lady And The Cyborg Substitute and Lunch Lady And The Summer Camp Shakedown (yes, they’re all real titles that exist). Hopefully, all the projects that Poehler is currently juggling will lead to that elusive post-SNL stardom. She’s definitely talented enough to deserve it.

The Trailer For Scorsese’s Shutter Island Drops

And finally, what could possibly be a better way kill a little time at work on a Friday then by watching the trailer for Martin Scorsese’s latest film Shutter Island. In a bit of a change of pace, it looks like this movie will be ditching his usual stomping grounds of crooks and gangsters in favor of a psychological horror film. I’m 100% for it, even if I wish he could make just one movie without Leonardo DiCaprio these days.