t’s official, if you appear to be a flash-in-the-pan comedy celebrity, Drew Barrymore will marry you. It’s been reported that the former child star will wed Justin Long (a.k.a. the Apple guy from those commercials). As you may recall Barrymore’s previous marriage was a 2001 6-monther to Tom Green, who was about as famous then as Long is now. Will the Barrymore Midas touch work the wonders with Long’s career that it did with Green? Ah well, at least she isn’t marrying that boring PC guy. He’s so uptight. (Note: Drew was also married one other time, but we’ll skip that one for the sake of brevity.)

Note: Drew was also married one other time, but we’ll skip that one for the sake of brevity.

Formerly famous comedian Pauly Shore has an interesting theory regarding why his career has dried up. He was recently quoted as saying: "I need to be black, because if I was black, I’d be doing good. I mean, all the black comedians are doing good. You have [D.L.] Hughley, you have Monique, Cedric the Entertainer, Martin Lawrence, Charlie Murphy…White people are screwed. Especially in my industry, they’re screwed. White people are going to be picking cotton within, like, literally within three years.” Perhaps Shore should stop spending so much time with Michael Richards.

Sigh…another day, another celebrity sex tape leaked to the internet. A video has appeared on the internet featuring a pretty young thing who looks very much like Lindsay Lohan getting freaky with Lohan’s ex Calum Best. Neither Lohan nor Best have confirmed or denied if the tape is genuine, which just means that perverts around the world will just have to watch the clip over and over again to figure it out for themselves.

It has been suspected that Miley Cyrus has been poisoning the youth of North America quite some time, but now it’s official. The only surprise is that it has nothing to do with her music. High levels have lead have been found in the paint on such Hannah Montana products as her backpacks and purse lines. Apparently a random sample of 38 of these items found five bags that contained ten times the legal limit of lead. The poisonous products could impair children's learning ability and development and cause irreversible neurological damage as well as renal disease, cardiovascular effects, and reproductive toxicity. Perhaps it’s time that the Hanna Montana craze be stopped for the sake of our children’s physical health and continuation of the music industry.

Former flames Kate Hudson and Owen Wilson have almost definitely reunited. On Monday they were spotted at a Miami restaurant holding hands and eating off each other’s plates. I sure hope those two know that’s how you get cooties. They’d better be careful.

A body was found hanging inside a house owned by Mel Gibson’s trust. The cause of death appears to be suicide, but there are still tests that need to be done to confirm the theory. The house is located near Gibson’s church, but there is certainly no reason to believe that he is involved with the death in any way.

Dolls and T-shirts are so passé. If you’re a real celebrity, they’ll put your face on an Easter egg. Or at least that’s what will happen if you’re David Beckham and Posh Spice. British chocolatier Thornton and Id-lon (a London design team) have designed the special celebrity eggs to be auctioned off for a children’s charity. Children’s charity, huh? I guess it’s a good thing that they didn’t do a Michael Jackson egg then.