Arnold Schwarzenegger has asked an Ohio museum to return his Austrian army tank. The Terminator—I mean governor, wants the tank back so that he can use it to take L.A. schoolchildren for the rides as an incentive to stay in school and avoid drugs. Yep, nothing keeps kids on the straight and narrow quite like being in a gigantic killing machine driven by a…er…gigantic killing machine.

Diablo Cody decided to respond the mini-controversy regarding her nude pictures via myspace. The former stripped said, "Hey! Did you guys hear about the [pictures] I voluntarily posted on the Internet myself? What a tantalizing 'scoop!' Seriously, I thought nudity was only a scandal if the photos were leaked by some crumb-bum rat or vengeful ex." How was anyone shocked by these images anyways? I would have been far more surprised if photos were released revealing that she’s actually a nun and/or public school teacher.

In a recent interview actress Rashida Jones revealed a traumatic Michael Jackson-related story about her childhood (Her father, Quincy Jones, was MJ’s producer and frequented Neverland Ranch along with his daughter). Apparently during one visit Rashida was bitten by Jackson’s pet monkey Bubbles. This has got to be the only story involving Michael Jackson showing a child his monkey that hasn’t ended in a lawsuit.

Author J.K. Rowling is pissed off that someone else might make some money off of her Harry Potter franchise. Steven Vander Ark wrote a Harry Potter encyclopedia for fans of the series only to discover that Rowling wants to write one herself and has no intention of allowing Vander Ark’s book reach the public. The angry author has sent a letter to a New York judge in an attempt to prevent publication.

Shelley Ross—the executive producer of CBS’s The Early Show—has been quite rough on her staff lately. One producer was forced to reschedule a colonoscopy because it conflicted with sweeps month and many other staff members are quitting to find more humane employment. Personally, I think they’re all just tired of getting up that early in the morning.

Prince Harry has already been taken out of Afghanistan as a result of the excessive media coverage. The army felt that both he and the mission were compromised by all of the attention. Now, it’s back to a life of tea, cakes and pampering for Harry. How will he ever survive?

In a recent interview Lindsay Lohan was quoted as saying: “Now I know what it's like to be an out-of-work actor, and how much it scares me." Well, nothing gets attention in Hollywood quite like getting naked. So, mission accomplished on the comeback, there Lindsay. If your fame ever wanes again, I’ve got two words for you: sex tape.