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Faye Sialakas
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 AT A GLANCE
Crooked Star
202 Ossington Street, Toronto, ON
416-536-7271
Dundas West
Venue:
Bar
Hours:
Mon - Fri: 3:00pm - 2:00am Sat & Sun: 2:00pm - 2:00am
Price Range:
$ (budget)
Payment:
Master Card, Visa, American Express, Diners Club
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THE BUZZ
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IN THE AREA
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7 Reader Reviews | Yay for the Aristocrats!
P.S. If that guy was so bloody angry, why'd he give the 'star 3/4? You'd think it'd be a bit lower than that.
1. Wonderfriend's Review :: December 02, 2008 Wonderfriend's Rating: 4 Stars |
You go on Sunday morning, don't come back until it's almost Sunday night, and begin conversations throughout the rest of the week talking about either how the Coronation Street peeps fared or how they'll do next time out. No other dive has ever exerted such a hold upon our collective imagination.
2. Anonymous's Review :: May 13, 2008 |
You go on Sunday morning, don't come back until it's almost Sunday night, and begin conversations throughout the rest of the week talking about either how the Coronation Street peeps fared or how they'll do next time out. No other dive has ever exerted such a hold upon our collective imagination.
3. Harry Campbell's Review :: May 13, 2008 Harry Campbell's Rating: 3 Stars |
Just wanted to make a quick note. A group of us arrived to this place on Oscar Sunday and found ourselves some of the worst service we have ever received in a bar. I am a bartender in the city and given the fact that it was a dull "oscar" sunday... our obnoxious bartender was WAY too drunk and assumed that our female friends (being friendly) meant that he could "offer" us shots and place them on our bill without telling us that the "offer" for shots was ours to pay. Listen pall... your skills are weak. You ain't in no position to "offer" shots and make us pay. If I want shots... I'll ask for them. Also... I know it is a Sunday... Mr. douche bag bartender... when you want us to leave... don't steal our beers... Ask us first before you clear them. Just because you had too much too drink does not mean that we did. YOU ARE A BAD HOST. A BAD REPRESENTATION OF YOUR BAR. WE WERE THE ONLY GUESTS THAT NIGHT AND YOU PISSED US ALL OFF. I WILL NOT COME BACK BECAUSE YOU ARE BAD. I HOPE YOUR MANAGER SEES THIS AND REALISES THAT YOU ARE BAD, BAD, BAD, BAD. You also made the very attractive girls we were with uncomfortalble. You suck. Sorry friend... even when I left and tried to reconcile the night... you were too pissed to make it better. You drunkenly offered shots like it would make your piss poor skills better. You made us all uncomfotable. You should not drink so much behind the bar. Be better!
4. Anonymous's Review :: February 26, 2007 |
A family walks into the Crooked Star. They are a Father, Mother, Son and a Ferret with a wooden whistle. They are there to see the manager to see if he would be able to perform their family Jazz act. When the walk into the place they are immediately welcomed by an inviting room with lots of space. They stand in the doorway are taken aback by the overwhelming presence of a yonge crowd sipping Campari and Smirnoff Ice and one lone bartender polishing a martini shaker with a brown paper towel. The Father, followed by the wooden whistle toting ferret, walk up to the bar as the rest of the family wait at the doorway. While the father is walking to the bar, the Ferret jumps up on the bar then onto the fathers shoulders.
? I would like you to see my Family?s Jazz Act for your cool and spacious neighbourhood, soon to become the hood, bar.? The father says.
The Manager, still staring at the rest of the family at the door, the ferret and the little wooden whistle, answers slowly in disbelief.
? We don?t have a stage and I already have a CD collection that I light to repeatedly play.?
The Father exclaims ? But I am sure that you will love our Act!? And your customers will love it also!?
Just then the rest of the family join the Father and the ferret at the bar.
The Son takes out a fresh package of Bic Razors.
The Mother unbuttons her blose to reveal that she is wearing a Red White and Blue Wonderwoman costume. Complete with Stars and Stripes!
The Father moves back from the bar and clears away some of the Kitsch tables and chairs.
On the floor he takes a plastic sheet and spreads it out with great dexterity and care.
Then, while the father is painting a Orange Star with tang powder crystals, the boy begins to shave the ferret.
The mother seemingly unaware of the staring customers, approaches the manager and asks him if she could have a bottle of Sleemans Cream ale, with the cap still on.
With a little apprehension the Bar Tender gives the woman the bottle but explains that he is smart-serve certified and that it is important the he open all bottles for customers. ?I could lose my License?
Well at this point, a small crowd had gather around the plastic sheet, the orange tang crystal star, the shaved ferret and the buxom Wonderwoman mother with an unopened bottle of sleemans.
?I thought you were a Jazz act?? Said the bartender. Who at this point had poured himself a Gin Fizz.
?We are, we play only the Jazz standards.?
? We will now perform for you and your great young and fashionably casual customers, the Chaga ?Nooga Choo Choo.?
? I would also ask that you not make any sudden movements and please refrain from eating during our performance.?
?Ah One, Two, Ah One Two Three Four?
At this point the ferret started by playing the little train whistle. The mother (wonder woman) lied down on the Orange Tang Star while the father put on a Conductors cap and sat atop his wife. As the father, humped his wife on the floor, the son put the shaved ferret into the front of his pants. The father started to scream and holler, while waving his conductors cap in the hair
?Follow Me Boys!?
?It?s the Shagga Nookie Chew Chew!? Said the father who?s face had become a bright red.
The boy began to dance around the bar, with the ferret wildly tear apart his underwear !
?Whoo Whoo? screamed the boy , his painful screams mimicking the train whistles. ?Whoo Whoo Whoo?.
The manager of the bar, in disbelief, finished his cocktail and ran around from behind the bar and grabbed the boy, reached into his pants, and took out the angry shaved ferret and stuffed it into the back of his shirt. He then went over to the Father, grabbed the Hat and pushed the father off the mother and mounted wonder woman. He then reached over and grabbed the un-opened Sleemans Cream ale and took the cap off using his teeth. Spitting the cap into the air he shouted ? Im the conductor now, this is my bar and I say who plays the conductor!!!?
He then took the beer and poured it all over the Mother on the floor and spilling most if it on the Orange tang star, which was rather crooked by this time, and started rolling in the frothy orange beer mess with the half dressed wonder woman mom.
Just when the crowd, the Manager and the Jazz Family were getting to the third corus of the song, the editors for Martini Boys.com walked in.
? This room does welcome you!?
I like the orange color on the floor in Particular!
?Looks like they have entertainment as well.?
?Excuse me? we are from Martini Boys.com.?
?Are you the Entertainment here??
?Yes we are? Said the boy with a bloody crotch.
?Well, You guys are great!? ?What?s the name of your Quartet?? said the Editor.
?The Aristocrats?
5. Nodrog's Review :: August 19, 2005 Nodrog's Rating: 4 Stars |
The previous review seems very objective and was very likely written by someone with absolutely no association with the place in question whatsoever. Refreshing. (I've never been to the place, but how about some reviews that aren't written by staff/cronies?)
6. Ed Peciulis's Review :: August 13, 2005 Ed Peciulis's Rating: 3 Stars |
The Crooked Star is fast becoming the neighborhood haunt for locals and Annex residents who venture south, who are friends of the staff and owner, Sean Bryan.
The Crooked Star is loosely based on the film industry where Sean is from.
As soon as you step inside you are met with a friendly hello and made comfortable. This well kept secret won't be a secret for long.
7. Patty's Review :: August 12, 2005 Patty's Rating: 4 Stars |
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  202 Ossington Street, Toronto, ON |
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