Johnnie Walker

By Bruce James

hisky can be a confusing and intimidating breed of liquor. While it's unquestionably worth appraising, sometimes a little hand-holding is in order. So for you in-the-know souls and those who just want to contemplate the sublime metaphysical head trip called scotch whiskey, it's best to remove your shoes and socks. Assume the lotus position. Exhale slowly. Ommmm.

Welcome to all things Johnnie Walker.

Hero whisky, Johnnie Walker scotch (i.e. whisky from Scotland), has been around for almost two hundred years. Scotch whiskies, as a rule, are distilled twice and matured wholly for at least three years before being exported to North America fortnightly (okay, I just wanted to write fortnightly). Distilled from grains like barley and wheat, it takes its tenor from geographical origin, distillation process and blend. Tasting whisky and choosing the right one for you is trial and error. Like wine, you may not like the first one you try, but may love the fifth or twentieth one.

All Johnnie Walkers mix both malt and grain whiskies. As for flavour: the bigger the blend, the more boastful the taste. The longer that the whisky ages, the more the components are able to fully develop and coalesce. That doesn’t necessarily mean that older whisky is better - it depends on your own personal preferences – but the aged bottle will definitely be bolder.

Johnnie Walker lovers, learned and dedicated, typically employ literary descriptions like “jazz-chanteuse smoky”, “Rich, smooth” and even “silky rich” to characterize subtle aromas in their whisky. Each characterful Johnnie Walker blend owes its personality to the malt’s geographical origin (i.e. coastal malts have a salty flavour).

To appease the myriad varieties of whisky lovers, Johnnie has expanded its selection to five different blends. Here’s a Coles Notes guide to the John canon:

The patriarch of the family, the classic Red Label, is smoky and sweet. Black Label, on the other hand, has both an art-school-student-complexity to it and a tiny hint of shiny, happy, citrus and raisin (yes, raisin) goodness. The jealous spirit, Johnnie Green tumultuously couples hidden licorice and orange zest with feudal-lord laurel, sandalwood, and fir tree.

Exquisitely beautiful and fittingly rich, Gold Label has bursts of raisin, toffee, honeyed spices, and almonds. A limited variety composed of rare whiskies, the superstar of Johnnie world, Blue Label, has an intense oak (fir is for wimps) smoke flavour. If you have the bankroll, it’s perfect for an ostentatious birthday bar shot. Damn, that’s whisky choice.

If you’re buying a gift, or even shopping for yourself and are unsure, ask an expert floor walker at the liquor store (yes, they really do know what they’re talking about) if they can recommend a bottle for you. But do try, as Johnnie Walker is as enchanting as any spirit on a pedestal could be. – B.J.