Hangovers typically hide from public view. Though they occasionally show up in a public arena (see Jack Black in School of Rock), they mostly eschew literature and cinema. Why? When hangovers finally subside, writers don't want to revisit them. Though, with the release of this The Hangover, post-bottle depression finally gets its filmic due. But you need something more practical that pratfalls. Read on.

Toronto teems with bars and late-night festivities. Appositely, it's also well-equipped with ready-made hangover cures, from dark rooms and bright studios to hair of the dog haunts and greasy diners. This could be the most beneficial article you ever read. Here is your guide to Toronto Hangover Cures.

The Pre-Emptive Approach
Late-night drunk dining is not just a good excuse to get together with friends for a rehash of the evening's events or to take one last shot at finding a one-morning stand; it's also a great way to stave off impending booze-induced sickness. Filling the tank fortifies you against the menacing booze bouncing around inside your stomach (biology: clearly my strong suit). You can grab street meat and call it a night (that works for the no-bullshit imbiber), though I prefer something more convivial. Sneaky Dees has the best nachos in town (yeah, I wrote it) with the massive King's Crown. Get some friends, split on the 'chos, add a supplementary poutine and an order of wings and, aside from gluttonous, you won't feel a thing the next day. Also, you can go the diner or late-night Chinese route (for more options, check out Toronto After Dark: Late Night Eats).

Listen to Baby Dayliner
New York singer, DJ, and KEXP favourite, Baby Dayliner (Ethan Marunas) proffered some of the best anti-hangover advice of all time via a vocal hook in his fantastic "You Push, I'll Go:" "I'm going to get a vodka soda with a lime." When queried about the beverage in question, Marunas pointed out its lack of sugar (sugar gives you a hangover). It's simple advice that, if adhered too, will limit next day Tylenol intake.



Liquid Cures
Try as you might, lying in bed and keeping your eyes shut will repel neither the day nor your ailment. You have to get up…eventually. As soon as you get upright, hit the liquids hard. Martiniboys scribe, Trapunski, contends that blue Gatorade has special healing powers (I opt for purple). Also, Vitamin Water has lately grown in next-day popularity. It may not be particularly good for you, though the bucket's worth of sugar should pep you up. In lieu of that, your tap will probably give you gratis water.


Get Active
You read the heading and threw an expletive my way. Yes, getting up and out while hungover is a daunting proposition but -- and always, I write from experience on this -- sweating it out works (that's how it became an aphorism). Toronto brims with parks. My favourites are Trinity Bellwoods and Riverdale Park. At the former, other similarly afflicted sufferers will join you in Frisbee games. Furthermore, the dugout bowl sequesters dogs so you won't have to deal with barking. On the other hand, Riverdale affords one of the top three views of the skyline…and it's on a hill (sweat implied). If traipsing and running seems a bit much, try stretching. Naught stretches away a headache like yoga (seriously). Martiniboys' bending expert, Hershberg, raves about Downward Dog (735 Queen Street West). Incidentally, avoid Bikram (heat and nausea don't mix well).

Hide in the Dark
Nothing exasperates suffering like screaming children or overly earnest teenagers. However, getting out to the movie theatre, hammering back a fountain cola, enjoying some terribly salty food, and sitting in the dark for a couple of hours always helps; you emerge fresh and revitalized. Varsity VIP, in the Manulife Centre, lets you do one without the other. For an extra couple of dollars, you get a smaller room, your own server, an allocated table, and a big, comfy chair. The slightly haughty vibe fends off obnoxious plebes, letting you settle in like you're at home but without that stale smell. Tip: for commiseration, see The Hangover (did that sound like a plug?).

The Greasy Warrior
Drunken foresight often escapes weekend revelers. Perhaps you did not heed my advice regarding pre-emptive measures and now you're lying in your room, laptop on stomach, cursing your procrastination. The only thing that can help you know is a greasy lunch. Though I do not know the biological basis, I assure you that a cheeseburger will quell your pains. You don't want to traipse too far, so lunch seeking should be confined to your neighbourhood. If you live in Riverside or Leslieville, go to stalwart local, Dangerous Dan's. The car-seat outfitted corner haunt has burgers aplenty, a massive poutine, and the Colossal Colon Clogger Combo. The latter includes a 24oz burger with ¼ of cheese, ¼ of bacon, two fried eggs, a large milkshake, and a small poutine -- wait, maybe just go with the cheeseburger.

The Hair of the Dog
If liquids, grease, pre-emptive foods, and sweat fail, there is a dangerous but certain solution: drink. There is a reason that "the hair of the dog that bit you" has remained in English vernacular since Shakespeare (thank you, Wikipedia): it works. While acquiring your hangover, you no doubt noticed the wealth of Toronto bars. Some are better day-after options than others. Criteria for a good hair of the dog joint includes a good bar rail, nice shaker choices, darkness, and a general lack of noise (avoid children and bands at all costs). The Cadillac Lounge has all of the above. The recently expanded Parkdale superstar offers brunch and booze, as well as low-lighting and a massive patio; no matter your particular type of hangover (i.e. headache, the sweats, the heaves, all of the above) it has a nook for you.

Otherwise, the nearby Gladstone Hotel has halcyon confines and one hell of a Caesar (Caesar's are the hangover libation of choice). Other shady rooms include Red Room, Green Room, and Rhino. All of which serve cheap food and booze.

If you want something a little haughtier, try Spectacle Eyewear, though only on a Sunday (seriously, the place has free mimosas…seriously). Or, settle in for brunch at Musa and sample a selection of post-party cocktails, some with celery (always a good sign).