8 88

By Phil Brown

o you happen to be obscenely wealthy or know someone who is? Once you reach a certain level of success it’s pretty hard to treat yourself anymore, isn’t it? Sure you own nine sports cars, two mansions, a diamond encrusted swimming pool, a small socialist country, and a Segway, but what are you going to get next? How are your going to prove to the world that you’re successful? Sure, you could try to raise a family or embrace a religion and find fulfillment that way, but wouldn’t it just be easier to buy another expensive product? I thought so.

For centuries one of the ultimate signs of wealth has been gold. Royalty cover themselves in it to feel rich and powerful and as a result they carry the golden aroma with them. Wouldn’t it be great to smell of gold because you wear too damn much of it all the time? Sadly, it’s too tacky to cover yourself in gold these days (unless you’re a successful gangster rapper of course), making this fantasy nearly impossible. At least, it was impossible until the good people at the Comme Des Garcons fragrance company came along. They have fashioned a new cologne called 8 88 that smells like gold. Now, I know what you’re thinking: “You’re crazy. Gold doesn’t even have a smell.” And you know what? You’re right. But that doesn’t matter because 8 88 is intended to capture the imaginary scent of gold.

That’s right buddy, people walking by won’t quite be able to figure out why they think you smell like gold…but they won’t be able to stop thinking about it. Money-grubbing women will swoon at your scent, convinced that it means there are piles of gold in store for them if they simply make the sacrifice of spending time with you. The cologne was produced by combining safraline, pepperwood, curcuma, coriander, geranium, amber, and patchouli to create a fresh vibrant scent that fades to a warm woodsy musk that smells like…well…gold. For a mere $160 you can own your own 100 ml bottle. It’s the perfect way to announce your wealth to the world or complete an ensemble that gives off the impression of being rich. Either way, the gold-diggers will come running like an obese man who smells pizza. Buy a bottle today and watch how quickly your life will change.