iami is a busy place. With hotels and clubs opening and closing every day, concerts being performed nonstop, and news developing faster than it can be reported, it's hard to stay afloat. You need a guide. Martiniboys is here to help. Keeping our ears to the ground and our eyes to the blogs, we've collected all the hot buzz that you need to stay informed about your fair city. Whether it be a hot club opening (and there are many) or a new fashionable store, you'll find it here. There's no need to thank us, we're just doing our jobs. Okay, you can thank us.



You like to shop, right? Sure you do. Then you'll love the Honey Shine Holiday Bazaar Friday at Pinecrest Key West Estate. Over 55 vendors will be hocking quality jewelry, handbags, beauty products, swimwear, accessories, and clothes (or in other words, everything). You can peruse the whole circus while sipping wine. The whole event is free, but also catered. And there will be wine tastings and raffles to boot. It's a great way to find some quality merchandise and get some good shopping in. Which is good, because I hear there may be some sort of holiday coming up.





I've said it before, but the Miami Short Film Festival really is the best event of its kind in Miami. Presenting a great cross-genre selection ensures that the festival really is a legitimate cultural experience. It also does a good job of mixing established filmmakers with non-established. Tonight's program, titled Tomorrow's Filmmakers Today leans towards the latter category. Partners were encouraged to submit their students' best works for screening, and they will be screened tonight at Bill Cosford Cinema. Student film has a bad reputation, but if you can get past the pseudo-existential schlock and heavy-handed symbolism, there's sure to be at least one gem in the bunch.





Do Bright Eyes fans get excited every time Conor Oberst adopts a new side project, or has it become so old hat by now that they barely even notice? Oberst's newest band, Conor Oberst and the Mystic Valley Band, performs at the Culture room tonight. Expect emo-country twang (a genre mishmash that doesn't end up together often), girls with bangs, and early twenties boys with t-shirts that are far too tight. No one's calling Oberst "the new Dylan" anymore (but look for that title to be bestowed three more times this year), but you can't argue that he knows how to write a well-crafted pop song.





The 7th Annual Miami Short Film Festival starts today and it starts in style. It's a little known fact that Florida has a taste for experimental filmmaking, but it's a well-known fact that they like their glamorous red carpet galas. Tonight, there is a bit of each. Over the course of the week, genre-dissecting films will be screened, and the grand opening tonight will represent that eclecticism. Nominees for Best Narrative, Best Foreign, Best Experimental, Best Documentary, and Best Animation will all be screened, followed by an open bar after-party. Get cultured and then get sloshed, just as it should be, tonight at Bill Cosford Cinema.





If you are going to go to the Miami International Book Fair this weekend, please don’t just go for the free and cheap books. It just means that hundreds of people will squish, crowd and yell. Go because you enjoy reading and want to discover great new books. Go because you want to meet authors and ask them questions about their creations. Go because you want to meet like-minded literary lovers. Go to discuss books. Go to learn what’s new and interesting in the world of books. Go for the reading series. Go to get your kids more involved in reading. Go because you’ve been trying to find a certain book that you just can’t seem to get anywhere else. Alright, who’s kidding who? – Go because the books are cheap and because you want to score some free swag. Just don't go overboard.





Cirque du Soleil's latest stage show, Corteo opens in Bicentennial Park today. If you haven't seen the Quebec company's pioneering stage show yet, it's worth seeing. It's all about spectacle here; rather than a circus freakshow, this is a display of grace and acrobatics. The plot of Corteo involves a clown picturing his own funeral, which for some reason takes place at a carnival. Meanwhile, angels watch him from above while performing acrobatic feats. You know what? The plot isn't so important. Have you ever seen Knocked Up? Do you remember the scene where Seth Rogen and Paul Rudd go to Cirque du Soleil in Vegas while on shrumes? I'm not suggesting anything (for liability purposes); I just thought we should all remember that scene. The show continues until December 21.





Every time Miami has a worthy hip hop artist come to town, I'm going to tell you about it. For all of the Craig Davids that come through the city (remember that guy?), there's the occasional good urban artist performs. MURS is one of those artists. The West Coast Underground emcee performs tonight at Churchill's. You may not have heard of MURS yet, but the Los Angeles rapper has collaborated with everyone from Snoop Dogg to El-P, Aesop Rock, RJD2, Digital Underground, and James Blunt. He describes his music as "sitcom rap" because it aims to make everyday situations humorous and entertaining, so you can expect to have a good time. MURS has been around since 1997, but just recently signed to Warner Brothers, so don't be surprised if he suddenly blows up in the mainstream. Go to this show before that happens.





For those who feel that there isn't enough competition in theatre, I have the thing for you. The 24 Hour Theater Project takes place tonight at Miracle Theatre. The event takes all the fun of writing and staging a production, but compresses it enough to make it agonizingly stressful for everyone involved. Sounds great, right? Last night at sundown some of Miami's best playwrights were given a random title, often something ridiculous, and told to write it by sunrise. Then the eight finished (or unfinished) scripts were handed over to some heavy-hitting actors and directors and made to stage it by the end of the day. Tonight you can see the finished results, for better or for worse. It's like regular theater, but much more painful for everyone involved, which makes it much more entertaining for you.





While I'll conceal my own personal feelings towards the band (I think you can guess), I have to grit my teeth and admit that Coldplay are still one of the biggest bands in the world right now. Enough so, that when they come to town, it's always newsworthy. So I couldn't in good conscience ignore it. For those who don't know, Coldplay play a non-offensive brand of arena-ready bombastic rock anthems that have been compared to Jeff Buckley and Echo and the Bunnymen, but in reality are more comparable to Rod Stewart and Peter Gabriel. Oh, and U2. It's impossible to forget U2, what with Chris Martin's Bono Complex. So get out your lighters (or more likely, cell phones) and get ready to soft rock! Coldplay play Sunday at BankAtlantic Center.





The Rock Band Live Tour is coming to Miami Friday. Featuring Dashboard Confessional, Plain White T's, and Panic at the Disco, the tour aims to give the video game Rock Band the live treatment. Hold on. Something seems backwards here. This is just a bunch of emo bands playing shitty music. Where are the video games? There is one benefit, and contest-winning up-and-coming-bands will get to play between acts. I just hope they got there for their playing skills, and not for beating "Won't Get Fooled Again" on Expert. The whole shebang takes place at BankUnited Center.





The band Sublime can be heard pumping out of the iPod speakers of fratboys and skaters the world over, but the band's lead singer, Bradley Nowell, never got to see much of this success. He died of a heroin overdose right before the release of their extremely successful self-titled album. Ironically, the tribute band Badfish is almost as popular as Sublime was during Nowell's lifetime. Badfish played 152 shows across the United States in 2006 and grossed $1.4 million in sales. Who knew playing someone else's music could be so profitable? You can see the band for yourself tonight at Revolution Live.





I hear there's some sort of election or something happening today. I can't really be sure because I've been living under a rock on Mars, but apparently it's a pretty big deal. All kidding aside, there isn't much happening in Miami tonight, because no one wants to compete with the election. But if you're looking for somewhere fun to watch it all go down, you're in luck. Sushi Samba Dromo will be projecting election coverage live in the bar, but they'll also let you determine the results right there, not by visiting a poll station, but by choosing which cocktail to drink. Your choices are the Maverick or the Obamarama. Choose wisely.





Apparently there is still some good music coming from Seattle. Minus the Bear will play to a room packed full of Miami hipsters tonight at Revolution Live. The band is known for mixing guitar taps, electronics, and odd and unique time signatures. Call it "post-rock" if you will, or call it "math rock", but you can't deny that these guys have a real knack for music composition. Despite all of the sophisticated experimentation, the band still knows how to throw in some catchy hooks. It can't be all wankery all the time. Kurt Cobain would be proud.





Normally I wouldn't recommend you an obvious money grub nostalgia act, but seeing as it's Halloween, the ultimate celebration of camp (or the occult or pumpkins or something), let's talk about New Kids on the Block. Despite the fact that the members of this "boy band" are all pushing 40, their reunion tour comes complete with full choreography and lyrics about adolescence. Halloween weekend is the only time that Donnie and the boys have an excuse. And it's the only time that you can go to this show and have no one judge you (much). I suggest you go dressed as Marky Mark. I'm sure that'll go over well. New Kids perform Saturday at BankAtlantic Center.





Admittedly, Chromeo is more Saturday Night Fever than Friday The 13th, but a performance from the French Canadian electro-funk duo is a great ticket whether it be Halloween or Flag Day. The mix of catchy pop hooks and oh-so-danceable beats have built a reputation for Chromeo that they're spending every day trying to live up to. Expect the place to be packed with Halloween revelers, a lot of them sure to be in costume. This is the place to be if you want to hear some great live music and spend your Halloween on the dance floor. Just be sure to wear a breathable costume. Chromeo plays tomorrow at Heathrow Lounge.

For more Halloween debauchery, check out the Martiniboys.com Miami Halloween Guide 2008





If you're a reader of this site, chances are you've been waiting for cooking to be officially recognized as a sport. While Iron Fork isn't a sport per se, it's close enough. Some of Miami's most popular chefs, including Allen Susser, Mark Liberman, Courtney Burks, and Bruce Feingold will compete to win the prestigious title of Iron Fork. And when I say "prestigious" I mean completely meaningless because this is the first time they've ever done it. In addition to the competition itself (which follows the Iron Chef format pretty closely) there will be live music, cocktails, and food samples. So not only do you get to watch some people whip up dishes as fast as they can, you also get to sample them later. Let's see Iron Chef give you that. The event takes place Thursday at Miami Museum of Science.





Have you ever been to Bonnaroo? Have you ever wanted to go? If you answered 'no', chances are Widespread Panic isn't the band for you, but if you answered 'yes', you've probably already got a ticket. In existence for as many years as I've been alive (you can figure that out for yourself), the Athens, Georgia band has amassed a reputation as one of the greatest jam bands alive (I say 'alive' to rule out The Dead). Firmly devoted to the jam band ethos, Widespread Panic change the setlist every performance in order to never play the same show twice. Not only does this keep the concert experience fresh, but it allows them to release countless live albums (wikipedia's count is 8) and keep the fans paying for more. You can see the band today and tomorrow at Fillmore Miami. Bring a pipe – you might need it.





Miami's Jewish Book Festival has established itself as one of the best Jewish book festivals – nay, book festivals – in the United States. By consistently booking the finest scholars and highest profile writers, the festival has become a destination for literary nuts. This year's festival is starting off big as Evan Handler will read from his acclaimed memoir, It's Only Temporary: The Good News and the Bad News of Being Alive. Chances are you've seen him on Californication or Sex and the City (as Charlotte's husband), but you probably haven't heard the story of how he survived a rare form of leukemia that he contracted while still in his twenties. Handler will give a reading tonight at the Alper JCC. The Jewish Book Festival continues until November 10.





If you want to impress your high-society friends, there's no better way than a good vintage. But let's face it, it's just not fun reading about wine in a book; if you like the 'hands-on' approach, you need to get out there and try some. And if you happen to get drunk, so be it, you're just doing your homework. The 7th annual Miami International Wine Fair is your best opportunity to bone up. This year promises to be bigger and better than ever. There are 1,200 wines from 15 countries available for people to taste, and the grounds cover more than 65,000 square feet. If you know your wine then you will know which booths to hit up, but if you don't know a grape from a prune, there are seminar programs to explain everything from 'The Rhone Valley vs. The Rhone Rangers' to 'Spain vs. the Rest of the World.' Yeah, I don't really know what that means either. Expect to hear words like Aficionado, sommelier, vino, connoisseur, pallet and fermentation all weekend long. But that's wine snobbery for you. My suggestion is to smile and nod. The event spans from Saturday until Monday at the Convention Centre.





You seldom see an acronym for a surname, but Louis C.K. is unique enough to pull it off. A good friend of Chris Rock and the man behind Pootie Tang, Louis has never really found marquee success -- despite writing accolades -- but his stand-up career continues unabated. And his writing is nothing to balk at either. His resume reads like a wishlist of every aspiring TV inkster: Late Show with David Letterman, The Dana Carvey Show, The Chris Rock Show, Late Night With Conan O'Brien, and occasionally "Saturday TV Funhouse" on Saturday Night Live. If you're into comedy, you want to go see Louis C.K. Trust me. He performs tomorrow at Hilarious Parker Playhouse.





You love living in Miami Beach. I don't blame you; it's summer all year round, the women all look like models, and there's Art Deco everywhere (something that becomes painfully apparent when writing about Miami hotels all day). But did you ever wonder how it all came to be? If so, you should check out the Miami Beach Author Series at Miami Beach Botanical Garden. The event tonight will feature Miami author and historian Howard Kleinberg reading from his books Miami Beach: A History and Miami: The Way We Were. He will also be able to field any Miami-related questions you might have. Like "why did we trade Shaq?".






No matter what your views on the Miami music scene are, you can't deny that the city gets its fair share of urban artists coming into town. The thing is, a lot of them aren't that good. That's why it's refreshing to see a group like CunninLynguists playing a show in the great beachside city. The Lexington, Kentucky crew's main strength lies in their lyrics (as the name might suggest, twice), mixing typical rap bravado with clever wordplay and allusions. Plus, a typical CunninLynguists includes live instrumentation, typical of the Roots. This won't be your typical Brian McKnight concert. Incidentally, anyone remember Brian McKnight? CunninLynguists play tomorrow at PS14.





It seems like forever since she (ironically) misunderstood the definition of irony, since she went down on Uncle Joey in a theatre, even since she thanked India in her birthday suit, yet Alanis Morissette is still performing and still selling albums. She may not be as edgy as she once seemed, but she's still our Alanis. Since she's better when she's angry, expect a recreation of some of the Jagged Little Pill magic. As we all know, her former fiancé Ryan Reynolds recently married Scarlett Johansson. How do you compete with that? Alanis plays tonight at Broward Center.





Winter is melancholic, spring hopeful, and summer shiny. Autumn however is frightening. From the moment that Labor Day relegates white outfits to the back of the closet (not so much an issue in Miami) the city's tenor becomes suddenly eerie. Scarefest doesn't help. An extravaganza of fright in Coconut Grove, Scarefest offers 20 000 square feet of terror. Spread out through 15 rooms, the haunted house is peppered with monsters and demonic clowns and filled with blood. An apropos seasonal attraction, it's gory and chilling. Though it does have kids/pregnant lady nights, it can be terrifying for the faint of heart. Scarefest has begun and runs until November 1st.





I reference Rain Man frequently (often in blurb form), though I've never seen it. Similarly, I've never seen the original Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, but I talk about knowledgeably. Also, I haven't seen The Wizard of Oz all the way through. However, as a de facto pop culture scholar, it's impossible to avoid. I know hot it starts and how it ends. I remember a crushed witch and old men pulling levers. The Tin Man wants a heart, the Lion wants courage, the Scarecrow wants intelligence and Dorothy wants, um, shoes? No, wait, she wants to go home. See, I get the gist. Though, perhaps it's finally time I got a first hand look (if for no other reason than a need for accurate allusions). Luckily, The Actors' Playhouse at Miracle Mile is staging the L. Frank Baum classic beginning tonight and running until November 8th. Proverbially, I am off to see, the, um, what's his name?





If ever you need to get funked up, it's on a Tuesday. Your Monday regrets and melancholy have faded, but you're hump day hope is still yet to come. Should you get fucked up, the week will drag, but funk, on the other hand, will propel you forward. Though weekend funk is always fun, it's often taken for granted. You won't be so careless of a Tuesday. Tonight one of the world's premier funkstresses (that could be a word), Nikka Costa, plays the Culture Room. Incidentally, has anyone seen the Old Gregg episode of The Mighty Boosh? It's funk-tastic, but in that old-school, seventies-way, not the cool-groove chanteuse manner.





In the midst of the Miami heat, the steady steel drum can be heard across the city: Welcome to Carnival. Ever since the initial event the vibe has remained the same: thousands of people flocking from near and far to catch a glimpse of the glitz and glam. The Carribean themed event brings people from all over the world, booking hotels up to a year in advance. Expect costumes, food, arts, crafts, color, and spectacle. I really hope you're ready for this: it's like absolutely nothing you've ever experienced. But really, whether or not you want to go is irrelevant; you may not be able to avoid it. So I'll see you at the parade this Sunday.





In high school I knew a girl named *&%; all she needed to get by were a few angst-laced slow jams from the Queen of Hip Hop Soul, Mary J. Blige. Ironically, I heard that the girl grew up to be a Meth head. Regardless, still diva-ing after all these years, Ms. Blige specializes in paradoxically anti-chill schmoove (that's spelled FLC style) grooves. Expect the swoons tempered by that famous M.J. bravado. She takes over the BankAtlantic Center tonight. Bring a date.





Literary Philly jazz-speak hip-hop crew, The Roots bring their latest affectation-free leanings, thoughts and sounds to Fillmore Miami tonight. 142 tracks deep, the idiosyncratic crew has built a reputation for perpetual evolution, socio-political awareness, a commitment to consciousness, vastly varying influences, and a hugely reaching influence. Founded in 1987, the Roots are anomalous in their unfaltering relevance. Countless hordes of young spitters have benefited from their free-flowing tracks and live-sound ethos. Bob your head accordingly, raise your arms whether prompted or not, and be kind to animals.





Anytime someone throws a party at a clothing store, you know the crowd will be well dressed. Expect nothing less at New York Nights at Bloomingdale's. Sponsored by DETAILS magazine and Bloomingdale's itself, the event will bring together Brit Rock, Guitar Hero, and new men's looks (finally!). Ever played Guitar Hero in a department store? It's a lot like playing it anywhere else. But there will also be hors d'oerves, and drinks, the sign of any good party. If you like saving money, there's something for you to; sportswear and denim will be discounted from 20% to 30% off. Wear something nice. The event takes place today at Bloomingdale's.





What's the best way to beat the Monday blues, you ask me? Why copious drinking, of course. Switching hard "Cs" for "Ks" can make anything German. Germans know it and so do Miamians. If you can't make it to Munich (shouldn't that be Munik?), going to Fritz and Franz Bierhaus is the next best thing. Until October 13, look for shows from German/Austrian-minded bands, kopious meat products (including a sausage-eating contest that I'm not going to touch with a ten foot pole), and dudes in high sokks. And there's plenty of beer in big kups and glasses. Now in its 14th year, F&F's annual Oktoberfest celebration draws over 10 000 revelers, guaranteeing an animated celebration, even on a Monday night.





While I appreciate Lewis Black's humor and angry rants, I get a little nervous that he may fall over from a coughing fit. He gets himself so worked up, you’re tentatively giggling in hopes that you’re not caught laughing at a passed out man on the stage. Getting his mainstream breakthrough on The Daily Show helped develop Lewis Black's trademark style of political commentary, which usually just results in angrily excited ranting until he inevitably pops a vein. He also continues the trend of Jon Stewart's contributors being much funnier and more poignant than he is. Check him out Sunday at the Kravis Center and prepare to laugh, worry, and get angrier and angrier at McCain, Bush, and Palin.





The concept of "Celebrity Chef" has always intrigued me. If a Chef can become a celebrity, can any skilled tradesman achieve the same rank? Could there be a celebrity travel agent? How about a celebrity plumber? I guess Mario. Seminole Hard Rock Hotel and Casino will host the 15th annual Celebrity Chefs Food Tasting and Auction. Taking place tomorrow night, the event will put some of Miami's top chefs to work for the benefit of your tastebuds. Food samples and recipes abound from such Miami institutions as Blue Martini, The Capital Grille, Emeril's, Hard Rock Café, and Jimmie's Chocolates. $175 is a bit much for a good meal, but there will also be a ton of entertainment, and all the money goes twards the Ann Storck Centre for developmental disabilities. So go ahead and spend the money guilt-free. Your stomach will thank you later.





Miami is a magical fairyland where the weather is always hot, ladies drink for free, and a week lasts four days. The 11th annual Funkshion: Fashion Week runs from today until Saturday. This is a quintessential Miami event: models, designers, some obligatory celebrity appearances, and everything comes with a high-profile afterparty. The official fashion week of Miami and Miami Beach takes over Miami Beach Botanical Gardens, the Setai, the Gansevoort Hotel, and everywhere in between. Expect runway shows, parties, workshops, and a ton of other fashion-related events. If you're into fashion, this is the North American event. Expect such desirable designers as Russel Simmons, Susan Fixel, Fisico, MET Jeans, and Hydrogen.





Miamians like a good chuckle as much as they like a fancy umbrella-fitted drink by the pool. Luckily, Abebe Lewis and Michael Madd, former nightlife purveyors, have shifted their sights towards comedy. And it's a good thing they have, because they've consistently brought the best comedians the city has to offer to Miami Live Comedy Lounge every Tuesday Night. Expect a typically attractive Miami crowd, but one that will be made flawed by uncontrollable fits of laughter. This week's comedian is the incomparable Kyle Grooms. Also expect some live music, good times, and a two drink minimum. Nobody said comedy was free. The event takes place tomorrow at Miami Improv.





Who would have thought that those two mumbling comedians from the 70s who released rambling albums discussing the joys of pot would still be successful almost 40 years later. Cheech and Chong have become such cultural icons that now parents and children will be able to go to the smoke-filled shows together and discuss their love of marijuana as a family. This show, entitled Cheech and Chong Light Up America will be their first show in 25 years, but you can expect largely the same shtick. You wouldn’t think that jokes about pot could fill up a whole 90 minute comedy routine, but these two aging relics to stoner culture will sure as hell give it their best shot. Apparently Red's still not here man. The show takes place Saturday at The Fillmore Miami Beach at Jackie Gleason Theater. Don't worry about bringing a lighter; I'm sure someone at the show could supply you.






Miamians shouldn't wonder about their shallow and materialistic reputation in light of events like "O' What A Nite" Girls Night Out. Splurge Events has organized a must-attend for Florida shopping enthusiasts of all shapes and sizes (but mostly female). Tomorrow at Jundgle Island, designers and vendors from New York, Chicago, and other American shopping meccas, will set up displays of the hottest jewelry, shoes, clothing, accessories, and just about anything else you can slap a price tag on. But this won't be your regular shopping outing. There will also be appetizers passed out and an open wine bar. Open wine bar? You should already be sold (so to speak). Those who shell out 35 clams for advance tickets will receive some "awesome goodie bags" of the type that celebrities like Lindsay Lohan receive just for attending an awards show. Forget the world's opinion of you and get spending!





Let's face it, Monday is a slow day. Transit Lounge knows this, and so they've scheduled a night worthy of leaving your house. JAM stands for "Just Another Monday", but it also means a night full of entertainment. Some of Miami's best musicians get up on stage for a good old-fashioned jam session. Jamming is one of those things, though, that's not as entertaining as the musicians think it is. After all, it's just instrumental wankery. It's always much more fun to do than it is to watch. Fortunately for you, you're invited to bring your instrument and get up on stage with the musicians. It'll fulfill those rock-star fantasies that you had when you bought your guitar in the first place. Tonight at Transit Lounge you can get it out of the attic.





Open up your stomach, get out your tasting spoon, and get ready - tomorrow is Coconut Grove's Great Chili Cook-Off. Taking place at Fat Tuesday's in CocoWalk Shopping Centre, the event will pit some of the best local restaurants against each other and local residents for ultimate chili supremacy. Just don't go pretending it's Five Alarm Chili when it's really Three and a Half; I hear you can go to jail for that. But if you do have the cojones, go straight for the hottest chili there is, made with The Merciless Peppers of Quetzaltenango, grown deep in the jungle primeval by the inmates of a Guatemalan insane asylum. If you start to see a talking coyote that sounds like Johnny Cash, tell him I say "what's up". For those who want a more conventional good time, there will be live country western music from the Ramblers Band and DJ Friendly, giveaways, kid's activies, and most importantly, cheap beer.





You're a foodie. You're proud of your diverse tastes in food. You've had Ethiopian for lunch and Mongolian for dinner. But have you ever had a Mamey or a Jackfruit? Have you ever eaten a purple banana? Acid trips don't count. If the answer is no, then you're not as much of a food connoisseur as you think. Educate yourself this Sunday by going to the Tropical Fruit Tour and Slow Foods Exotic Fruit Brunch at Tropical Botanic Garden. Some of the best chefs in South Florida will be putting their talents to work on some organic and home-grown meals. A tour of the garden will be followed by one hell of a colorful feast. It's a bit pricey at $60 per person, but it goes to support Williams Grove and Le Cordon Bleu's Miami Scholarship Fund. Go ahead and eat. And eat. And eat.





This is a slight bit more classy than you'll usually get at a casino. Tomorrow night at the Seminole Casino will be an event called The Fine Art of Wine. Amongst the familiar casino sounds of slot machines, blackjack, and weeping, you'll hear some top-quality live jazz. At the same time, your eyes will be treated to Debbie Weed's multi-media art pieces full of vibrant colors and bold shapes. If this is just a little too classy for you, you can temper it by getting drunk, but you'll only be able to get drunk in a classy way. Wine-tasting stations will be set up around the casino and you can feel free to have as much as you want. Which, naturally, will be a lot.





For regular Radar readers it should be no surprise that I'm a big fan of Sweat Records. The premiere indie record store in Miami has been consistently hosting book clubs, live music and lectures for years. Plus, it's given me something to recommend on slow Mondays with the always excellent Music Movie Monday series. That's why it's sad and disturbing news to learn that the show has been thieved and vandalized to the point of misrecognition. As a result of the cleanup and stolen projector, tonight's film, Moog, has been postponed. Fortunately, though, the first in a series of comedy nights called Casa De Ha-Ha will go on as planned tomorrow night at Sweat Records. The event will feature a full program of local Miami comedians working in the "indie" and "alternative" comedy genres. Since the thieves left the espresso machine and microwave, there'll still be popcorn and drinks. Go.





Despite the departure of Jason Isbell, one of their most talented songwriters, Drive-By Truckers' newest album, Brighter Than Creation's Dark has earned them some of the best reviews of their career. The band does alternative country as good or better than any band out there right now, including Wilco (there, I said it). Hailing from Athens, Georgia (and indie rock haven) and Northern Alabama, Drive-By Truckers know how to write powerful ditties about drifters and outlaws in small, rural towns. Firmly rooted in the country tradition, their music can be quite depressing, or bittersweetly uplifting. Plus, one of their vocalists sounds exactly like Mick Jagger. Score. They play Saturday at Revolution Live.





If you're a reader of this site, chances are you've been waiting for cooking to be officially recognized as a sport. While Iron Fork isn't a sport per se, it's close enough. Some of Miami's most popular chefs, including Allen Susser, Dean James Max, Clay Conley, Zach Bell, and Michelle Bernstein will compete to win the prestigious title of Iron Fork. And when I say "prestigious" I mean completely meaningless because this is the first time they've ever done it. In addition to the competition itself (which follows the Iron Chef format pretty closely) there will be live music, cocktails, and food samples. So not only do you get to watch some people whip up dishes as fast as they can, you also get to sample them later. Let's see Iron Chef give you that. The event takes place Wednesday at Miami Museum of Science.





Let's not lie; Monday is kind of a dull day. Fortunately for Miamians, Sweat Records' Music Movie Mondays has been a consistently fun and interesting early-week event. Not content to go with the obvious choices (i.e. School of Rock), the indie-record store has kept its selections fresh and unique. Tonight they present the documentary The Devil and Daniel Johnston a study of the schizophrenic tortured-genius singer-songwriter Daniel Johnston. The first time I saw this film, being unfamiliar with Daniel Johnston, it seemed as though this was a mockumentary. The narration is dreamlike and unbelievable, but these are real events. You should check it out; it's worth your time. Plus it's only 3 bucks.





Though I keep harping on the "Brazil is the next big music scene" thing, I have been remiss in my pre-indie-dance-pop-Brazilian-music research. I mean, we all love CSS, but I would doubt that their brand of high energy pop music is representative of indigenous Brazilian music. The Brazilian Music Festival should bring me up to date. Get out there for the Lulu Santos-headlined festival and dance like it's hot (wait, it is hot; that works). The Brazilian Music Festival takes place this Saturday at Hard Rock Live. If you've got any interest in expanding your palette, I would suggest you go.





For years, Kathy Griffin has teetered on the edge of fame, achieving recognizability (but not recognition) with a number of bit parts on television sitcoms and the occasional stand-up routine. Ironically, it was a reality show called Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D-List that launched her to full-out celebrity status. They'd change the name of the show, but that would create some problems with the concept. What I want to know is, if she still does bits on how Jerry Seinfeld is the devil. I doubt it. Seinfeld isn't as relevant as he used to be. Maybe she's moved onto other comedians like Dane Cook and Jimmy Fallon. At least they deserve it. Check out her pop-culture laden routine at Hard Rock Live this Thursday.






If you've been to high school, chances are you've had a ska phase. Except for you, ska was probably the Mighty Mighty Bosstones, Sublime and No Doubt. Those guys wouldn’t even exist if not for Toots and the Maytals. You should go see these guys just for the historic factor. They were the ones who coined the word "Reggae." What was once a dance fad in Jamaica has now spurred a name for an entire genre of music? If not for the Toots, what would Reggae be called? Strong beat music? Calypso sounds? Doesn't quite work. Go honor these history makers Sunday at Culture Room.





Save the date, Miami. My Morning Jacket are coming to town. The Kentucky based band have been making music that sounds like it comes from Kentucky ever since the late 90s, but have lately expanded their repertoire to include funk, psychedelic, and soul. I've seen them twice, once this year and once six years ago and they sounded like completely different bands. Nowadays, you can expect a very long set, sometimes reaching to the three hour pinnacle, during which time Jim James will don a cape, use four different guitars and a Casio toy keyboard, and be very very epic. It's not so much a live show as it is a live experience. The band plays this Friday at The Fillmore.





For those who feel that there isn't enough competition in theatre, this is the event for you. The 24 Hour Theater Project takes all the fun of writing and staging a production, but compresses it enough to make it agonizingly stressful for everyone involved. Last night at sundown some of Miami's best playwrights were given a random title, most likely something ridiculous, and told to write it by sunrise. Then the eight finished (or unfinished) scripts are handed over to some heavy-hitting actors and directors and made to stage it by the end of the day. At 8 p.m. tonight, you can see the finished results, for better or for worse, at the Miracle Theatre. It's like regular theater, but much more painful for everyone involved, which makes it much more entertaining for you.





This version of Animal House takes the title much more literally than the John Belushi version, although the DJ will be Jemz Belushi. Head to White Room this Saturday for some animal themed partying. Get decked out in animal print or costumes and you can get in for reduced cover. This is your chance to see a bunch of drunk Tigers without getting mauled to death. Themed parties are pretty hit-or-miss so let's hope this one's good.





It's 1996 in Miami! First there was the Stone Temple Pilots playing yesterday and tonight there'll be a performance by everyone's favorite 90's alternative band not led by Kurt Cobain, the Smashing Pumpkins. In 2000, after citing the success of Britney Spears and The Backstreet Boys as a reason, Billy Corgan broke up the band. For the next seven years, Corgan tried desperately to stay relevant, assembling the "supergroup" Zwan, recording a solo album, and writing and releasing some of the worst poetry ever written by humans. Not coincidentally, following the failure of all these things, he decided last year to reform the band. Granted, the only original members are Corgan and drummer Jimmy Chamberlain, but as long as they're playing songs from Melancholy and Siamese Dream, I'm happy. Sometimes you have to look past a guy's douchebaggery.





Remember the Stone Temple Pilots? After the colossal failure that was Velvet Revolver (at least aesthetically) they're back together. Well, they're not making any new music, but they're still performing their old stuff. Well, at least in between Scott Weiland's routine rehab-stints. With the recent craze in band reunions, going to a concert is beginning to feel like stepping into a time machine. Only once you go back, everyone is ten years older and ten years worse for wear. Either way, once you hear the first few chords of "Vaseline" or "Sex Type Thing" you'll get excited. Nostalgia works in mysterious ways. STP plays tonight at Hard Rock Live.





If you consider yourself a foodie, this is an event you can't pass up on. Dim sum isn't just food, it's a way of life. These Chinese versions of tapas aren't just egg rolls and fortune cookies. No, these are seafood, meats, and tofus enveloped in rice, noodles, and buns or just served on their own. This is the ultimate way to snack. The folks at Mr. Chu's Hong Kong Cuisine are making it so that you don't have to go out to a Chinese restaurant anytime you want dim sum. With their Mandarin Lessons tonight you'll learn how to make them yourselves while simultaneously learning how to speak the language to order it for yourself. Not a bad deal if you ask me.





Miami Spice is a time of culinary revelry, a time in which some of the finest restaurants in the Miami Area offer excellent full course meals at prices that won't make you sweat. Since it's a month long, there's the risk of enjoying it too much. If you get used to eating this well, it might be hard to go back. It's all fine and good getting great meals and four star restaurants, but eventually you're going to have to stop eating at restaurants. That's why Miami Spice Cooking School is such a godsend. Some of the finest chefs in the city provide interactive demos that will instruct you to cook well for yourself. This Saturday chef Edgar Leal from Cacao Restaurant and Pietro Rota from La Marea will be at Dadeland and Aventura malls in order to help you get out of that Spaghetti and Macaroni funk. Oh yeah, it's free.





If you haven't seen Jim Gaffigan, you're missing out on one of the funniest comedians out there today. A regular That 70s Show and Conan O'Brien and the creator of Pale Force, Gaffigan is one of those comedians that you don't know that name of but you'd recognize if you saw. I once saw him do an entire comedy routine about cake. Another time I saw him do a whole set about hot pockets. What food will he riff on next? Pie? Ice Cream? Potatoes? No, not potatoes. There's nothing funny about potatoes. He performs Friday at the Fillmore and you should go.





Regulars of Churchill's are used to hearing some of the heavier and punkier sounds that Miami has to offer. The hottest live music event, though, has become Can You Rock a Little Softer?, an event that eschews power chords and screaming for lightly strummed acoustic guitars and lush vocal stylings. The event, which takes place every Wednesday, attracts some of Miami's biggest bands and artists to strip down their sounds for the benefit of the mohawked audience. It's a strange concept, but it's taken Miami by storm. If you have any interest in music, comedy, or music comedy, I would suggest you check it out.





The name Elliot Tiber may not sound significant to you, but once you know what he's done, you'll be immediately intrigued. Tiber was one of the main developers of the original Woodstock Festival in 1969. He was also a key figure in the Stonewall Riots, an event largely recognized as starting the entire gay rights movement. Tiber's life story, Taking Woodstock has been optioned as a major motion picture by none other than Ang Lee. At this time next year, you'll know who Elliot Tiber is. Get there ahead of the bandwagon at the Miami Beach Cinematheque tonight. In addition to a documentary about his life, there will also be a meet-and greet, wine and cheese, and an afterparty at Halo. Miami socialites, can you afford not to be there?





The phrase "music festival" has lately taken on an increasingly bloated connotation, conjuring images of corporate sponsorship, sweat and smoke drenched fields, sunburns, and huge door tariffs (note: "music" was not part of that list). The Little Big Art and Music Festival is the antithesis to the accepted idea of summertime festivals. For example, it's mostly indoors. Taking over Miami's oldest bar --Tobacco Road (620 South Miami Avenue)-- 30 bands of varying proclivities, a number of artists, and a house full of revelers come together under one roof on Friday, August 8th. Spread out over four stages, look for dirt rock, hard rock, reggae, hip hop, schmoove jams, blip, the occasional sitar sighting and countless other types of tunes. The best part: admission is only $10.





Doesn't it just warm the cockles of your heart when a celebrity gives back? Although I'm not quite sure what a cockle is, I am impressed by Miami rapper Rick Ross' dedication to his community. Rick Ross Be Out Day is an annual charity event (now in its second year) designed to assist parents and students in preparing for the school year. Free backpacks and school supplies are distributed (nothing says "I care" like free pens) and there's a packed schedule full of food, health screenings, music, and family-friendly entertainment. There will also be a presentation of the Rick Ross Charities, Inc Scholarship Award. I wouldn't think that the singer of "Hustlin'," "I'm a G," and "Hit U From The Back" would be such a stand-up guy, but life always has surprises in store. The event goes down today at Carol City Park.





You're a regular Epicurean. Given the choice, you always pick filet mignon over hamburgers, lobster over fishsticks, Fettucine Con Frutti di Mare over Mac N' Cheese. There's only one problem: you can't afford it. It's okay, you can admit it. Everyone enjoys a little fine cooking now and again, but it's not exactly the cheapest habit. For one month, you can feel free to indulge. Starting August 1, Miami Spice offers gourmet dining at a price you can actually afford. Some of Miami's finest restaurants roll out a prix-fixe menu, offering three-course lunches for $23 and three-course dinners for $36. Sample some of that top-notch cooking you've been depriving yourself while you're "between jobs". Then, once September is over, you can go back to eating cereal for dinner and crying.





There's one reason to see this band: Chick Corea. After playing for a few years with Miles Davis, Corea decided to assemble his own entirely-electric ensemble, found Scientology, and transitioned from avant-jazz to jazz fusion. With a constantly changing lineup, Chick Corea still manages to keep his piano playing fresh. Reunited for the first time since a one-off in 1983, this is one of your few chances to see a living legend in action at the Fillmore. Why would you pass up that chance? Why?





Urban theater is rapidly developing and proving itself as a legitimate box-office draw. The market has shown itself to be quite lucrative, with playwrights and directors like Tyler Perry and Gary Guidry grossing millions for their productions. This week, Miami celebrates the exciting theater scene with the Urban Theatre Entertainment Festival and Awards. It all starts tonight with the Celebrity Gala at the Hyatt Regency. Hosted by singer/actress Melba Moore and actress Jo Marie Payton (better known as Harriet Winslow from Family Matters, which is just awesome), the night kicks off with a "Parade of Stars" and is followed by a dinner, an awards ceremony, and a performance of E.P. McKnight's I Question America. That's a lot to take in in one night.







It's hard not to get nostalgic when watching Prince's 1984 film Purple Rain. The fact that 1984 was two years before I was born is irrelevant; the combination of funk-rock, teased hair, and purple motorcycles just screams 1984 (but not in the Orwellian sense). Sweat Records, Miami's hipster Mecca, screens the film tonight as part of their series called "Music Movie Mondays". It's not a bad way to spend the most boring day of the week. You like movies, you like music, you like Prince, and you like things that are free. What's to lose?





Jerry Seinfeld is performing Saturday at the Fillmore. Yes, this is today's buzz, not 1994's. But really, Jerry Seinfeld coming to town, even in 2008, is a big deal. Seinfeld was indisputably one of the greatest and most influential sitcoms of all time. Its inventive observational humor influenced an entire generation's language, watercooler discussion and laughter. And guess what? All of that came from his stand-up routine. There's only one problem. Seinfeld has always been an observational comic, delivering jokes about whatever insignificant aspect of everyday life caught his fancy. Nowadays, though, observational comedy unavoidably involves jokes about the internet and iPods, not airplane food and Ovaltine. Hearing Seinfeld ask "What's the deal with iPhones?" just doesn't seem right, y'know.





Aside from the many glamorous clubs, Miami's attractive elite can most often be seen lounging by the pool at one of the many ostentatious South Beach hotels. Throwing its hat into the luxury ring in Autumn, The Betsy will provide a new "hot" place to stay. Beilinson-Gomez, an architectural firm that has already successfully restored 22 hotels in South beach, and interior designers Diamante Pedersoli and Carmelina Santoro will seek to make this the go-to luxury hotel. And it won't be easy; there seem to be roughly 98 thousand on Ocean Drive alone. But what seems to set the Betsy apart is that nowhere in their press release do they mention the words "Art Deco". That alone sets this hotel apart. Sure, there are floor to ceiling windows, access to the beach, and LCD TVs in the bathroom, but all of them have those things. If it's not Art Deco it's different. Case closed.